Some news from home...

July 11, 2012                                                     10:12  a.m

Dear Brynna,

Hi sweet girl.  I miss you.  I am sorry I haven’t written to you in over a week, I have been in kind of a slump where writing is concerned.  I feel like there is so much going on, but I have not been able to muster the energy to get it down on paper.

Here goes….

We spent the 4^th of July with our friends the Hintons in LaConner.  We have done the 4^th with them since I was a little girl, and it is always wonderful to get together each year. 

We headed up to Skagit County in the morning, and went to your Uncle Trent and Auntie Andrea’s house first.  Grandma and Grandpa were with us.  After just a short morning visit, Daddy and I took your brothers to the LaConner 4^th of July Parade.  It is always relatively short (not a long time having to sit in the hot sun) and there is always a TON of candy thrown to the kids lining the street.  Here’s a picture of your brothers waiting to “trick or treat 4^th of July style”:

After the parade, we had some time left before it was time to head to John and Nancy’s house, so we walked around the town of LaConner.   Aidan had “blown out” his flip flop so we stopped at the local shoe store and got him a new pair.  We also got some ice cream (YUMMY) and again, your brothers posed:

At a little before 1 p.m, we headed to the Hinton’s where we spent the rest of the day with good friends and family, eating good food, playing by the water and playing games.  Daddy had to work the next day so we headed home that night and watched fireworks all along the way.

Of course the entire time we were there, we thought of you and how different it would be if you had been there with us.  You were supposed to be there with us…

On, July 6^th your brother Jack turned 5 years old.  I cannot believe he is already 5!!  Daddy and I had a commitment to attend a friend’s wedding that night, so we spent the day celebrating Jack’s birthday, and promised him we will do something big this coming weekend (we are planning a family trip to Enchanted Village and Wild Waves).  I took them out to lunch and frozen yogurt and we also went to Target so Jackson could pick out a toy to get him through til he opens his presents this weekend. 

That night, Daddy and I headed to Chehalis to attend my friend Corie’s wedding.  Corie and I have known each other since high school, and there is a group of four women (myself included) that have continued to stay in touch and get together at least a couple of times a year to visit.  It was a beautiful wedding and there were several people there from Daddy’s and my high school that we had not seen in many years. 

It was also the first time since you passed away that I felt light enough to actually make my way onto the dance floor and let loose a bit.  It felt good.  It felt good to just be with Daddy, smiling and having a good time.  I feel safe when I am with him.

As we were leaving, Corie’s younger sister, whom I don’t really know all that well, told me she thinks of us often and reads my blog.  She mentioned you and that her heart breaks for our loss.  I was so very moved by the fact that she took the moment to talk to us directly like that.  So many people that we know very well have said nothing, and here she was, hardly knowing us, and she said the only thing that can be said…that she thinks of you, and of us, and she is sorry.  It meant so very much!!  Thank you, Kelly.  Thank you from the bottom of our broken hearts.

The last several days have been sunny and warm which seems to help heal my heart a little bit.  It is nice to be able to get outside and sit in the light of the sun.  I feel closer to you when I am able to do that.

A couple of days ago, Colton and Aidan were at their friend Dylan’s house, and I was outside in the backyard with Jackson.  He was playing in the pool we have set up and I was sitting on a lounge chair with my feet up.  I think I was playing a game on my phone, when all of a sudden Jack said to me, “Mom, you know Brynna is right there with you right now?”  It is not uncommon when I am sad or crying for any of your brothers to tell me that you are with me, but in that moment I was not sad or crying and he just offered it up, out of the blue.  I replied how wonderful it was that he felt you were there, and I asked him where you were and what you were doing.  He replied, “she is sitting there right by your feet….playing on God’s phone.”  I laughed out loud.  He is so sweet.  He saw me playing on my phone and figured you would be wanting to do the same.

I told Daddy the story and he felt a bit sad.  He said he wished you really were there, trying to touch and push buttons on my phone and getting it all wet with your slobber.  :o)

Yesterday, I took your brothers to pick strawberries at a local U-pick field.  We had never done that together before and I thought it would be fun to pick berries and then make freezer jam.  Daddy was going to try to join us, but he wasn’t able to get off of work in time.  The boys had a lot of fun and we got enough to make 2 big batches of jam.  I also bought some fresh raspberries to make raspberry jam.  It turned out very well.

We went from the berry field to dinner.  Daddy met us at a local Mexican restaurant and we had dinner together.  The waiter seated us at a large wooden table with 3 chairs on each side.  Aidan said, as soon as we sat down, that the table would be the perfect size if you were there with us…

We miss you all the time, baby girl.  In everything we do, we miss you.

I love you very much, and I hope you know that even if I am not writing you every day, I am thinking of you hundreds of times every day.  I carry you with me everywhere, all the time.

Hugs and kisses,

Momma