Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Another Letter From Home

September 12, 2012                                                              8:40 a.m

Dear Brynna,

I feel like I’m due to give you another ‘update from home’.  Which I kind of think might be silly, because I know you watch us in all we do and know we are thinking of you always.  But in the off chance you were off doing your angel duties elsewhere when any of this happened, here’s what we’ve been up to down on this planet they call Earth:

We took a couple trips to the Lake this summer (Lake Cushman).  The water was up, the weather was warm, and, as always, memories were made as a family.  In July we went up a Thursday through a Tuesday and it was HOT!  For most of the time we were joined by your Uncle Trent, Auntie Andrea and cousins Taven and Rylen.  The boys all had a blast together, and it was wonderful spending time with such treasured family members.  Your Aunt and Uncle are wonderful people who love you very, very much.  It is a blessing to have them in our lives.  They are always comfortable talking about you and remembering you with us.  That helps us feel so supported and loved.

While we were at the lake, there were moments of happiness and also moments of deep sorrow.  As always, when we are doing things as a family, the missing you becomes even more intense.  Where would you be in our crazy family picture?  What would you be doing?  What would you be trying to do?  We miss you in everything.

At one point on Monday, your Daddy, brothers and myself were at the community park.  We were walking, balancing on the logjam in the water, playing on the playground and just enjoying each other’s company.  I was snapping pictures with my iphone, and your brothers wanted to try snapping a few.  Aidan was taking a turn and the rest of us were sitting on the merry go round that has been at the park since I was a little girl.  I asked everyone to hold up their hands and make a sign language “B” for Brynna.  We all did, and Aidan snapped the picture.  As soon as the camera clicked, a single butterfly flew down in front of us, circled around and then off she went into the woods. 

We have been seeing an amazing number of butterflies this year since we saw the one at your walk (Tears Rock and Walk), and each time we all get a very strong sense that you are with us.  It was a magical moment, all of our eyes transfixed on the flutter of that one butterfly …wondering….hoping…praying…knowing she was somehow connected to you.

I did some wakeboarding while we were there as well, and it felt good.  It felt good to be doing (and enjoying) something I did (and enjoyed) in my life before this all happened.  It gave me just a little bit of hope that I may continue to be able to find joy and happiness in this “new” life too….

A bit later into the summer, we finally found the time to take your brothers to Wild Waves for a belated birthday event for Jackson.  We tried going on a Saturday but got a late start and by the time we got there, the line just to get into the parking lot was backed up to the freeway.

So instead we promised the boys we’d come back the next day, assuring that we’d get an earlier jump on the day, and we drove down to Olympia for the day.  The Olympia Children’s Museum puts on an event called Sand in the City each year as a fundraiser.  Companies compete to make the best, most popular sand sculpture and there are tons of fun activities for kids to do.  The boys had fun climbing the rock wall (Cole and Aidan both made it to the top), eating ice cream, and making crafts. 

After Sand in the City, we took the boys to play in the water at the fountains in Olympia.  For nearly two hours, they ran around like crazy people getting wet and splashing, laughing and being downright silly.  It was great to watch!

To finish off the night, we took them to a seafood restaurant in the port of Olympia called Anthony’s.  We had a wonderful family dinner and talked all about the fun day we had had together.

Of course all around us that day were darling little 10-11 month baby girls, and although we were happy to be together as a family on a beautiful summer day, we were reminded repeatedly how painful it is to walk in this life after losing a child.

The next day, Sunday, we made good on our promise to the boys and all went to Wild Waves.  It was another fun day of family time.  Water slides, pools, amusement park rides…lots of smiles.  And again, we ached to have you with us.  Always such a bittersweet life.  Always wishing it could be different.

I miss you Brynna.  So very much, I miss you.  We all do.  All the time.  We take you with us wherever we go, and carry you in our hearts and minds.  I hope you know that.  I think you do, because so often when we are together as a family I get an even stronger sense that you are there with us.  Somehow.  Somewhere.  With us.

I love you.

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