Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Power of Love

3/20/2012          2:13 p.m

Today has been a horribly rough day for me.  Steven came home at around lunchtime to try to help, but ended up having to answer a lot of work calls on his cell phone while he was here.  Needless to say, I didn’t feel all that supported and actually felt a lot more lost and alone.  It seemed to me that even he, the one person who truly understands my sadness, was doing what everybody else around me seems to be doing….getting on with life as usual.  I felt so lost and alone.  A bit after he had gone back to work, I received the following email from him.  I have also included the subsequent conversation that went on between us via email.  I truly do love this man:

On Mar 20, 2012, at 1:14 PM, "Steven Finnegan" <sfinnegan@betschartmech.com> wrote:
I love you.  I am sorry that I was not there for you in the right way.  You mean everything to me, and it hurts to see you so sad.  I know you are frustrated with me and I only make it worse sometimes and I am sorry for that.  I do understand your pain I have to live with it every day too.  I am not handling it any better than you and I am not competing to see who is handling it better nor do I have any expectations of you and your feelings and where you are at.  If I knew the way out of this I would have already done it.  My pain runs very deep.  I express my grief differently.  I love you and I do not like to see you in pain.  I will try and get off early today to come and spoon with you.


From: Laura Finnegan [mailto:skideep1212@yahoo.com] 
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 1:41 PM
 To: Steven Finnegan 
Subject: Re: Hey

I know. I'm sorry too. I have just been feeling so lost and alone and sad since we got back from our trip. Thank you for your sweet note. I do love you more than words can explain. I'm not myself and it's really starting to get the better of me. I miss Brynna so very much, and just when I think my heart might start to heal, it breaks all over again. I'm sorry. 


On Mar 20, 2012, at 1:54 PM, "Steven Finnegan" <sfinnegan@betschartmech.com> wrote:

No explanation needed, I get it.  I know that some days are going to be worse than others from here on out, worse than they were before because we now have something so very real and tragic to compare life too.  I know that Brynna misses us just as much as we miss her.  I wish I could bottle up the day you had at the park and the love and marriage game and give you those distraction pills for days like this.  Time is a very funny thing it is not linear, I relive our tragic event in my head several times a day.  I worry about the future and what our family will become.  I ask every what if question there is.  When I find myself lost, and wandering like you are, I look at today.  Trying not to focus on what I lost or what I might find but what I have.  I know it is cliché but it is very true.  I know this will not make your pain go away. 


From: Laura Finnegan <skideep1212@yahoo.comDate: March 20, 2012 2:10:49 PM PDT
To: Steven Finnegan <sfinnegan@betschartmech.comSubject: Re: Hey

You are amazing. I love you. Always. 


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