Dear Brynna,
We are getting closer and closer to your birthday,
and it is still unbelievable to me that nearly two years have passed since you
were born! Next weekend…wow…
This weekend Grandma Betty Ann and I are going to
Pullman to visit WSU (the college we went to) and our sorority, Kappa Alpha
Theta. Our sorority house has been at
WSU for 100 years and this October they’re celebrating by having a Centennial
Weekend get together for any and all Thetas that want to come. They are expecting 400 or so women from
pledge classes as far back as the 1940’s.
Grandma was in the 1971 pledge class, and I was in 1997. Several gals from our classes (and the
classes directly before and after our own) will be there, and it will be
wonderful to catch up with them, and find out where life has taken them.
I lived in the sorority house beginning my freshman
year of college (1997) until before my junior year when I moved out to go to
WSU’s nursing school in Spokane.
I think if I had it to do over again, I would have
really invested more of my time and energy into being a member of the
house. I didn’t really know at the time
how brief my time was going to be there, and I was not much of a partier so I
didn’t really attend many of the “exchange” functions. Also, Daddy and I had been dating for 5 years
or so by then, so I was not in the market to meet any boys, which was another
reason I didn’t socialize as much with the gals in the house.
Don’t get me wrong.
I had several close friends, including my Big Sis, Tina, in the house,
but now that I look back, I remember much of the time being there spent wishing
I was with Daddy at his house on the “Hilltop” in Pullman.
If you had lived, and I got to see you off to
school, this is something I think I would have tried to teach you. To live in the moment you’re in and soak up
all the areas of your life, because really, when you look back, they all go by
in just the blink of an eye.
Now that I write that I think maybe I should
continue to strive to do the same thing.
I spend so much of my time wishing I was with you (or that you were with
me), but perhaps in doing so, I miss where I am right now? No matter how much I yearn to have things be
different, they aren’t going to be. You
are gone from this physical world, and Daddy, the boys and I are still here for
now. I feel myself continuing to move
toward a place of acceptance (what else is there really to do? I can’t fight what is, right?), but there are
many times still where I am sure I am missing what’s right here in front of me
because I am so focused on what isn’t. I
guess I just need to get better at balancing the two…
I look so forward to telling my sorority sisters
about my life. About Daddy, and the
boys, and you. I can’t wait to share
pictures of our wonderful family and let them know that although life has been
heartbreakingly hard in so many ways, we are still so very blessed.
I love you little girl. My heart aches that I won’t ever be able to
take you to college and watch you spread your wings and fly through this
life. I know though, that you will be
with me when I go back this weekend, and you will help me to spread my broken
wings and heal just a little bit more.
Love,
Momma
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