"It hurts this much because we love her this much.."

2/3/2012          3:03 p.m

Dear Brynna,

Hi baby girl.  I love you and I miss you.  I have thought about you lots today.  I have this new thing, kind of like a mantra, I am doing when I feel like I am on the verge of losing it.  I tell myself, “it hurts this much because we love her this much”.  The pain in my heart is the price I am paying for the love I have had for you since the moment we found out you were on the way.  So much attention.  So much hope.  So much love has gone into the thought of you, and planning for you.  At times I feel without purpose now that you are in heaven and not here with us, but then I remember that my purpose was (and always will be) to love you.  I can do that.  I will do that.  I am doing that.  I am hurting and crying and breaking each day because I love you.  Because I love you so much more than words can say.  So even though it feels like I might break beyond repair sometimes, I am going to continue to let the sadness come as it needs to, and I will rest in the truth that I love you. And that will have to be enough.

Love,

Momma