Dear Brynna.

August 1, 2012                                             

Dear Brynna,

I love you.  A few days ago you turned nine months old.  Where does the time go?  I wish you were here with us right now.  I know you know that though.

Your three brothers are with Grandma and Grandpa this week.  They offered to have them come stay at their house in Kelso, and the boys were so excited to go.  I know if you were here, as you got older, you would love spending time with them too.  They are wonderful people. 

I have to go to work today from 4-9 p.m and I am not sure how that’s going to go.  I have been picking up shifts here and there and I am making it through them somehow, but it is very hard.  Everybody at work knows about you and misses you and is so sad for our family.

Daddy and I are really putting our energy into saving enough money to bring your baby sister home through adoption.  I feel you more than ever leading me by the hand and by the heart.  I know this is going to be a long, very emotional process, but I feel you and I know you’re going to help us find her.  You’re such a sweet girl, Brynn.  And your brothers and Daddy and I love you so, so much.  Thank you for continuing to work on healing our broken hearts.

Was that you the other day while I was taking a bath?  I was reading a book about adoption and all of a sudden I smelled you.  It was amazing and out of the blue, but there you were.  I put my book down and inhaled deeply over and over again, trying to take in as much of you as I could.  My eyes got teary and I said, “hello?”  Did you hear me?  Did you feel my heart swell with love?  Do you know how much it meant to me?  I love you, kiddo.  Thank you so much. 

I have to go get ready for work, but I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you.  Nine months has somehow passed since you passed away, and I have absolutely no idea where the time has gone or how we have gotten from there to here, but I love you as much today as I did the day you were born.  I carry you with me in all that I do, and I love you.  Til the end of time and then one more day after that, I love you.

Love,

Momma