Happy Birthday, Brynna Girl.

Dear Brynna,

Happy Birthday, baby girl!  Today is the day.  Today you turn one year old.

It's so hard to believe one year has passed since the day you were born, and on the other hand it seems an eternity we've been without you.

To say I miss you is the greatest understatement of all time.  I need you like I need oxygen.  You are part of me, and to have you missing means a part of me will never be whole.

I laid awake much of last night as I remembered what it was like a year ago to be in labor and eagerly anticipating your arrival.  Back when we were still naively happy and blissfully unaware that pain such as this really existed.

I love you so very much.

I am doing my best to celebrate your birthday today.  Doing my best to approach the day with love and appreciation for the time that we did get with you.

But it is so hard.

I want more time.  I want you here.  My arms still ache with emptiness and I long to hold you, if it's only for a moment longer.

We have balloons for you.  Daddy and the boys and I are going to send you some messages later today.  Be on the look out for the purple and green and white balloons, okay?

And I made cupcakes that we will have after spaghetti dinner tonight.  Aidan is so excited we're having spaghetti.  It's his favorite.  It brings a smile to my face to picture what you would look like eating it too, and what a great big mess you would make.

Your candle is lit and people have been calling and texting all morning.  You have gotten several cards in the mail, which I think is so sweet of our friends and family.  Everybody loves you so very much.

The birthday fairy came and put ribbons on your door last night.  Did you know our family has a birthday fairy?  We are so lucky.  Not everyone has her.  Your ribbons are pink and green and white and there is a purple bow.  They are beautiful!

I am doing my best to keep my heart in a place of happiness.  Doing my best to keep at bay, the sadness that always threatens to overcome my being.  Doing my best to focus on my love for you.

I love you so incredibly much more than the distance between us right now.

Thank you for being in my life.  Thank you for being my daughter.  I am so thankful to have you.

Happy 1st Birthday, my sweet girl.

Love,

Momma